yeah, rrright!

As we all (who have come of age) know, growing old has its nasty perks. One of them: grey / white hair.

And since I really, really can't see anything graceful about grey hair when I am only in my mid-forties, of course I have it dyed (more like tinted) every 6-8 weeks. On the bright side I still have lots and lots of hair (even in places where I really wish I didn't, but that might be information than you can handle) and it's growing strong! Meaning that after 6-8 weeks you can see about a 2 cm line of grey hair on top and on the sides.

A well-meaning hairstylist and a like-minded cosmetician shared their "secret" with me and recommended, I use an old mascara on the sides, so it doesn't show as much. I should forget about the top of my head, as there are only few people who can actually look down on my head. So far so good.

So this morning I grabbed a mascara - which I never use on my lashes, as they are dark and long, so I am totally ok with them - and thought I'd finally found a use for it.

Well ...

Let me just put it that way: Don't try this at home, and definitely not outside of your home. It does NOT work, it looks stupid plus it might smear and makes your hair stick up and out.

I should have known that this is stupid. Both women who furnished me with this trade-secret are blonde. So I highly doubt they eber tried this themselves. Never heard of blonde mascara!

Believe me when I say: the grey looks bad, yes it does, but the mascara thingy looks far worse!

It still takes me a moment to catch breath when I say: Now that I am 44 ... Shocks! 44 .... can you imagine? Naw, probably not, unless you are also 44 or older. It shouldn't be so shocking, I mean it's not like I turned 44 yesterday. Then again, it's not that long ago.

Good thing I always take a weeks vacation starting with my birthday. That way I can do all kinds of nice things to get my mind off the "growing older"-part. My mother is always the best part: "What? Are you that old already?" "Yes, mom. How about you?" Tsss. After all, she is 26 years older. How about that! 44 doesn't sound that old, all of a sudden, when you turn 70! Hahah!

... when you watch tv and see an old lady dying with her friends and family next to her, all caressing her, holding her hand, being there with her, helping her to make the passage, helping her to die, and then you think about yourself and think who would be there with you, who is going to mourn you ... and then you realize you are probably going to be all alone. That you will be lucky enough if you die in a hospital, because at least then there is personnel with you. That definitely beats dying all alone in your apartment to be found 3 weeks later smelling and decomposed by some poor policemen and fireman who had to break open your door, feeling pity for you, and being totally grossed out.

I think I don't like getting old if it's going to be like that.